Musings
So I've been really sick since Friday (actually off and on for two weeks but it came with a vengeance on Friday) and I have literally felt like I was at death's door.... or at least in the driveway (on the bright side, I can still look put together and not sick even while suffocating from congestion, it's just when I try to talk that people caught on that I could die..... any moment). Anywho, this whole party in the driveway of death dealio has led me to thinking, "Who would miss me if I died?" I think my parents would and so would Sam, Natalie, and Olivia. I don't think Bella would, she's too little to remember me if I was suddenly gone. I don't think Bubba would, I think I'm only above Bella in her ranking of favorite people.... plus she's a dog so I don't know if she counts.
I think my coworkers would miss me a lot. We had a staff training meeting last Wednesday and part of it was a little something we call "Facing" where we just acknowledge our coworkers hard work and say how much we appreciate and admire them. I was pleasantly surprised that I made a big difference in a lot of their lives (at least at work) so I know I would be missed by them.
Then I started thinking about my friends and extended family and realized that I am not a big part of their lives. If I was suddenly gone, it would not make a big impact. They might miss me a little at family reunions or my high school reunion or get togethers my old friends might have, but they won't miss me in their day to day lives.
So I came to two conclusions:
1. I'm kinda glad that people wouldn't miss me that much, as weird as that sounds, because that would mean that I wouldn't be causing heartache - I haven't experienced a lot of heartache from missing people but the little I have had I don't like and don't want to cause other people
2. But at the same time I want to be the kind of person that people miss when they are gone - I want to be so good, kind, fun, righteous, charitable, righteous- in other words -CHRISTLIKE - that people notice and change.
Very different and conflicting emotions... but it does make me want to be a better friend and family member, not so that you'll miss me if I'm gone, but so that I can be a ray of sunshine in your life that makes you happy.
..................
That was a weird ramble.... but still makes sense to me so I like it :)
I think my coworkers would miss me a lot. We had a staff training meeting last Wednesday and part of it was a little something we call "Facing" where we just acknowledge our coworkers hard work and say how much we appreciate and admire them. I was pleasantly surprised that I made a big difference in a lot of their lives (at least at work) so I know I would be missed by them.
Then I started thinking about my friends and extended family and realized that I am not a big part of their lives. If I was suddenly gone, it would not make a big impact. They might miss me a little at family reunions or my high school reunion or get togethers my old friends might have, but they won't miss me in their day to day lives.
So I came to two conclusions:
1. I'm kinda glad that people wouldn't miss me that much, as weird as that sounds, because that would mean that I wouldn't be causing heartache - I haven't experienced a lot of heartache from missing people but the little I have had I don't like and don't want to cause other people
2. But at the same time I want to be the kind of person that people miss when they are gone - I want to be so good, kind, fun, righteous, charitable, righteous- in other words -CHRISTLIKE - that people notice and change.
Very different and conflicting emotions... but it does make me want to be a better friend and family member, not so that you'll miss me if I'm gone, but so that I can be a ray of sunshine in your life that makes you happy.
..................
That was a weird ramble.... but still makes sense to me so I like it :)
I cannot believe my name was not on the list of people who would miss you! Do you think that little of me? Just kidding...I'm sure, it just slipped. Seriously, you'd better edit this post or I'll never read your blog, ever again.
ReplyDeleteYou are so kind and fun and good...and that's not even the beginning of all the wonderful things you are. But most importantly, you are YOU. Unique, beautiful, one of a kind, and the whole world will never be the same without you, because there hasn't nor ever will be any other you. When a person I personally know leaves this world, my world changes. And I hope I never have to see the day when you do leave this world, because you still have a mission and purpose to fulfill and because I simply would miss you too much. Even if we don't spend that much time together as it is, it's comforting to know you're there.
I hope you feel better soon so you get off of percucet and talk sensibly...jk. I love you,
Anabelle